A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys - Part Three

Thus far, we have covered a toy each specifically geared towards one of each of the sexes - even though both can be used with a partner for mutual pleasure. So for this week, I decided to go a little further outside the box and pick something that would definitely be an item that would have to be enjoyed together.

Sex furniture.

No, I am not talking beds, sofas, chairs and the like, even though all can be used within the bounds of sex play. I am talking furniture which is designed and produced specifically to heighten pleasure during intercourse.

As far as the history of sexually specific furniture, it is a bit harder to tackle. The earliest notation I could find was a comment about a chair (above) specifically made for King Edward VII of England. As he was rather portly, it was harder for him to have sex, so the chair was made for him sometime between 1860-1900 AD for when he visited a Parisian brothel. The chair is still on display in a museum in France to this day.



Many of us are familiar with the sex swing as being the preeminent piece of sex furniture, whether hanging from the ceiling or on it's own swing-set like posts - this piece of furniture is definitely not for the kiddos.


Now quite a few of the pieces I found I had never seen before. And to be quite frank, they look almost clinical. I'm not sure if I would get too into the mood sitting in one of these puppies, but to each his, or her, own. Place your feet in the stirrups ma'am, and this may feel a little cold. Relax, relax....ah, yes.














And don't even ask me how the big red and blue monstrosity works, because I am not completely sure. I mean, I get the gist, and according to the website, the entire thing vibrates, at least I think it does. It is made in China - the website was filled with mistaken English, so hopefully the instruction manual is a little better.

There are pieces that are now being made that could easily fit in with any decor, and most visitors would not know they were looking at erotic furniture. Most are designed with lush curves, replicating the arches of the body, helping a couple fit together better during the deed, allowing for deeper penetration and less stress on the body.













So loving the optional Cuffkit. I want one of these like you just don't know.

But of course, none of these items would be considered cheap...so for those of us who are just interested in trying out this new dimension in their sexual lives, there are items called "props". They look somewhat like the gym wedges you used in gymnastics while in elementary school, but they absolutely work in what it is they are trying to accomplish...getting you into the right angle for the perfect stroke and deeper penetration.

Investing in erotic furniture is something I would really only recommend to committed partners who enjoy trying new sexual adventures with each other, and have the money and space to appreciate this type of apparatus. And of course, a few fluffy pillows can work just as well in certain cases, but since they have a tendency to wander, well, a stable piece of furniture might come in handy if your partner is a little rough.

Now of course, stocks and pillories used in BDSM can also be considered sexual furniture to a point, but I think we will leave those for another day.

Now, go buy a lot of my books. I want that $400 black esse with the cuffs. And thank you very much.

**UPDATED**
My favorite toy lady, Brenda Sours with Tasteful Treasures saw the post and is willing to give a $40 discount to any one of my followers or FB friends interested in purchasing a sex swing. Her email is intamitt@aol.com and you can check out the link to the swing here: http://www.tastefultreasures.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=90 . But remember, online orders will NOT get the $40 discount, only ones placed directly to Brenda.

A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys - Part Seven

Okay, for all of you waiting breathlessly for Thursday to arrive...It's Thursday!  And you know what that means?  Time for the next installment of A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys.

In my trolling of the interwebs, I often stumble across shit that just has me shaking my head thinking "What the Hell are they thinking????"  Well, in regards to sex toys, I had that moment last week.  I am still in shock a little, and feel sort of like I was passing a train wreck and just had to look.

Those who are not into pain, interested in some BDSM practices, or just get grossed out easily, you may want to pause right here and move on with your day.  Those with stronger consitutions, I so have some weird crap to show you!

Today's post is all about Penis Jewelry.  Yes, I said that right, Penis Jewelry.  And I am not talking about just a piercing, noooo, we are taking it to a whole nutha lebel.

Now, just to make sure we are all on the same page here, I want to review what the most common penis piercing is, as it plays a strong role in what comes next.  Most of us have heard about the Prince Albert piercing (although, I will have to admit that I wasn't exactly sure where it went! I once dated a guy who was pierced down south, but it was a spike along the top of the shaft, not a PA.)

A Prince Albert, or PA, according to Wikipedia is "a ring-style piercing that extends along the underside of the glans from the urethral opening to where the glans meets the shaft of the penis."


I look at that and think "OUUUUCH!" (Said it my best E.T. voice of course!)

But supposedly it does heighten pleasure for both males and their partners, so it can technically be classified as a sex toy, as it aids or heightens pleasure.  It is also claimed to hold off male orgasm, so it can help lengthen lovemaking and potentially help women gain the big O.

Now this type of piercing is dangerous, as it can be pulled out easily, and by pulled out, I mean pulled through.  Don't believe me?  You can check it out HERE.  (Don't click there if you are about to eat.  Seriously.  I warned you.  Didn't I?  But you just had to click.  And now you wish you hadn't.  Not my fault.  Just saying.)

Now, I know what you are thinking, Geeze, Alex, we have heard about dude's getting their cock's pierced for like FOR EVAH.....what's this crap???   I'm here because I want to know about SEX TOYS!!!

Well, there are an ASSORTMENT of additional pieces that can be used with there yonder Prince Albert piercing that made me do a double take.

First off, there is the Prince's Wand.  This little sucker is pushed through the male's urethra (yes, where he pees and cums) and then is secured in the holes of his PA piercing.

Umm, yeah.  Think I am bullshitting?  HERE is a link where you can watch a man insert one into himself and screw the little balls on.

There are of course Pierce-less Prince's Wand too, that have a piece of steel that wraps around the bottom of the head to secure....you don't want some random rod in your pecker not fastened to where you can get it out!

Some of these are your basic stainless steel rod and circle, but then there are others that are actually a little more clever and artistic.

The pieces are supposed to be able to be used while having intercourse, but of course, some common sense and a little patience would have to be used to ensure



Don't stop now....it gets even better.  We already reviewed butt plugs in previous week's of the Girl's Guide....but did you KNOW they have PENIS PLUGS??  YES, THEY MOTHA-EFFFING DO!

OH. MY. GAWD.  And I thought that Prince Albert looked painful?  I realized the mistake in my thinking once I saw the array of penis plugs available on the market.  There are short ones, long ones, fat ones, and OHMYGODHOWAREYOUGONNAFITTHATINTHATLITTLEHOLE big ones.

Most of these items are used in male subs in BDSM play - they are used as a means of ensuring chastity in the sub, preventing them from orgasm.  Some even have spaces where they can be locked onto the wearer via small master lock.

So, taking this to the next step, you find chastity wear.  "Cock cages" can be mass produced, but the majority are custom ordered to fit the particular male.

These chastity "cages" are worn by those interested in a taste of pain in their love play, so they are not just about dom-sub relationships.  It is written that it can help a man learn to hold his erection longer and learn to control his body during sex, and then there are others who take it a little bit further and hook these bad boys up to electrical current and zap themselves to orgasm.  Don't believe me?  Proof is  HERE.  (Definitely not for the faint of heart or those under 21!!  And this will take you to a video of a man who loves electrified cages and shows it!)

Now I know I typically discuss the history and why's of the sex toy I spotlight on the Girl's Guide, but not much was available.  It seems that the PA piercing was made popular in the early 1970 and began to gain favor afterwards as piercing became more and more popular, and that BDSM aficionados took to piercing and began combining their interests -- which truly are not too far afield from one other.  The Prince Albert piercing is claimed to be named after Prince Albert, consort of Queen Victoria of England who lived from 1819 -1861 and it is supposed that he had this type of penis piercing, inventing it in order to tame the appearance of his large penis in tight trousers.

Apparently, ole Albert was hung like a horse, and the tight pants made fashionable by Beau Brummell caused men of larger lengths to have an unsightly bulge.  So according to legend, Albert and many other large men of the time, pierced their cocks, and hung them from one side of the pants or the other, to what is called a dressing ring.

Considering that Queen Victoria was the largest proponent of marriage and family, as well as shaping Victorian attitudes about the immorality of sex, then it seems rather far-fetched to conclude that it truly was named after Prince Albert.  Plus, lack of current standards of medical treatment would lead me to think this is a bunch of hooey.  Most folks believe it is an urban legend.

In all actuality, penis piercing dates back to at least the Kama Sutra, where Indian men would pierce their penis, add weights to them, and then increase their penises to unusable lengths of up to three feet.  YES, THREE FEET.  They would then wrap their penis around their waist and charge people to look at it.  The first circus freak show.

Three feet? **Shaking my head**

I can't offer a whole lot of suggestions or points of concern for these items, as I didn't even know they existed before last week.  I think the common sense approach (yeah, I know there are a lot of people out there with NONE of that) is in order.  Keeping the items used incredibly clean, as well as, hands of anyone handling the contraption before insertion, just because of the potential for infection.  And of course, if they are used sexually, going slowly to ensure they do not cause pain for either of the participants.  I also doubt they would work well during anal sex due to the delicacy of anal tissue, but you know, whatever floats your boat.

Okay, thanks for visiting the TRAIN WRECK edition of the Girl's Guide to Sex Toys.  Anyone interested in suggesting a topic for next week, feel free to add it to a comment below.

A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys - Part Six

As couples become more and more intrigued with BDSM, and choose to place a toe into that arena, many toys once considered too kinky or wild have become rather mild in the average day to day sex lives of the adventurous.  We discussed anal play last week, which is becoming a standard practice in many bedrooms, but another item that is gaining popularity in recent years are clamps.

Clamps can either be for the nipple, clitoris, or penis/sac, and offer a taste of pleasure/pain to the wearer that can heighten the sexual experience.  For the purposes of the blog, I will refer to clamps for the most part as nipple clamps, as they are more prevalent.

Now not much is available showing how far nipple clamps go back in history, but in 1791, the Marquis de Sade did discuss their use in his book Justine, as well as many other torture devices.  As sadomasochism became prevalent in the 1700's, it is considered by most scholars that the devices were around for at least 100 years prior to the publication of de Sade's highly inflammatory books.

Clamping from that time period on always took on a dark fetish light as the name de Sade associated with any sexual act was shunned for quite some time.  As time progressed, and the porn industry and the VCR brought fetishes to a whole new audience, nipple clamping is something many men and women have become very interested in.

While clamps are another one of those acquired tastes, they not for everyone.  But considering some newer clamps are adjustable, allowing the wearer to determine what level of pain is comfortable for them, it has allowed more to sample to BDSM delights.

Most sex toy distributors offer a few types of clamps, but you still need to check out the hardcore or fetish sites to find a wider variety if you are interested in the unique.

The ones most are familiar with are of course the weighted style bull-nose clamps, but there are an array of other types - most still using the bull-nose pinchers, but adding additions to the basic format.  You can find ones that are encrusted with beads and gems, ones with vibes attached (either battery or connected to a source of electricity), suction cup/vacuum style, feathered/tasseled, "Y" shaped ones with clamps or rings depending on which sex they are for, or  even FORCEPS (OUCH!).  Some pictures follow of some of the unique or just downright painful looking implements available in today's market.

Some sound words of advice?  Like any other fetish toy, it is suggested to try by yourself so you can gauge where your limits for tolerance are before engaging with a partner.  

Clear communication as to what those limits are is also a vital part, as your partner does not have ESP and could potentially hurt you without trying to.  

If you are new to the BDSM world, then it is also suggested to find clamps that are adjustable -- the tension can be reduced to find the right level of pleasure-pain, and then later increased as you become more well versed in your new sexual arena.

And my last word of advice?

Don't forget to take them off!

A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys - Part Eight

We have pretty well been around the sex toy world in this series, and when I asked our reader's group if they had any requests, I was asked, "Well, what's left?"

More than you realize!

Davecat and his "wife"

I was swinging between two different ideas and then I watched a repeat episode of My Weird Addiction, or whatever that show is (I don't watch a ton of TV sorry if I am getting it wrong) and there was a dude on there addicted to his SEX DOLL.

He was "MARRIED" to her, had even bought himself and the doll matching wedding bands that said "Synthetic Love Forever."

Yeah - nut job, and apparently after the film crew left, he ordered himself another "wife" online.

So anywho, that made the ole melon start churning.  Most of the toys here are a "Synthetic Love" in one way or another, and perhaps he wasn't so nutsy after all.  Wait, yeah he was.  But anyway.

The sex doll originated in the seventeenth century, used by French and Spanish sailors on long voyages.  Typically made of sewn fabric or old clothes, the dame de voyage (French) or dama de viaje (Spanish) were apparently better than hitting up another sailor on board.  Hell, after a year or more at sea, I am sure a bunch of rags was better than the other unwashed scallywags on board.  Body odor alone helped prevent ass rape, I am sure.

The earliest appearance of the sex doll in literature is 1908, when a dame de voyage was discussed in Iwan Bloch's The Sexual Life of Our Time.  He also discussed the newly invented process of vulcanization being put to the test in European countries to produce some of the first rubber sexual devices.

Bild Lilli

The first sex doll to be marketed as such was made in 1955 in Germany.  Bild Lilli was a rubber doll that came in two sizes, tall and small, and was the hypersexualized version of a German cartoon character, Lilli.  Meant to be a gag gift, "for the man who couldn't afford the real thing", it was marketed to bars and tobacco shops, as it was not suitable for play by children.  But children are the ones who latched on to the small doll, and  a couple of years later, Mattel bought the rights to the doll and German production stopped....as soon as Barbie came onto the market.

So, big boobs, little waist, and air head....Barbie, the first sex doll.

By the 1970's, vinyl, latex, and silicone had been created, opening the doors on better materials to produce the dolls with, at a lower cost.

Cheap blow up type dolls are still the bulk of the production and the most purchased sex dolls.  Typically under $100, these items have found their way into popular culture as a gag gift and a punchline in Hollywood comedies.  Usually made from vinyl, their seams are welded together (which tend to split after a few uses) and the vagina or penis is often not so lifelike.

A REAL DOLL!!  Seriously...

At the other end of the spectrum, you find the super expensive "Real Dolls" at about $6K, like the one shown off as a wife.  Made of silicone, it is modeled after a real human and can be quite lifelike.  Handpainted glass eyes, wigs, an customizable features are just the start. They are so realistic, that it is almost hard to tell in photographs that they are not really human!  Well at least the female ones...the male ones need a little more work.


But then again, if they were even bigger, and had more muscularity, there would be no way to heft the suckers around!  But if I am going to have a fake man, he better be a big delicious hunk of plastic, not look wimpy, wimpy, wimpy!

But I think I want one.  I really do.  He can sit in the passenger seat of my car so I can use the HOV lane all I want.

Hey, I travel a lot!

Anywhoooooo....now, there are other body parts that are sold separately for the use of sex that could be listed under the title of sex doll as well.  You can buy a replica of a famous porn queen's vagina, or a porn king's butt.  But considering that a dildo is part and parcel with that, could it be said those body parts are just the male version of the dildo?  I don't know....but let's just say, they are out there....and you can pigeonhole them anywhere you want.

And, wouldn't a Fleshlight be part of this category too? 

You don't know what a Fleshlight is?  Oh my, they are all the rage...a flashlight shaped holder, and when you unscrew the cap, you can have either a mouth-, vagina-, or anus-shaped hole to stick your wiener in.  And for all those Avatar fans, they even have a blue alien vagina Fleshlight.


But if your man prefers a woman with a little bite, then this one may be the one for him!

And yes, that one is in a can, not a flashlight shell....seems the manufacturers have found a new gimmick....


That's right!   BEER CANS!!!  What guy could resist plunging his meat into a beer can??  They are going to make a MINT!

Now, that's some lady! 

Okay, so we have seriously veered off the trail here...but what a fun ride.  Time for the safety message - use common sense and do a VERY thorough job of cleaning your toys afterwards.  For some of the higher end toys even come with specialized cleaning kits you can purchase for an additional cost.  And there was even a "used toy" cleaning kit for that person who just couldn't afford to buy a Real Doll brand new. (Ewwwwww!)

Of course, as I research toys, I come across some really out there stuff...they can make a blow-up doll in the "likeness" (if you want to call it that) of just about any celebrity.  But Sarah Palin?  Really?  Who the hell wants to eff her?!?  All kinds of weird body parts, vags,butts, and....feet?  Wow.  And of course, there was a male blow up doll with no package....what was the point?  And then the Redneck blowup doll was pretty funny stuff too!  And that lizard thing.  Don't even ask because I can't figure that one out!!

And the final item....a child's toy that looks awfully familiar.

A Girl's Guide to Sex Toys - Part Five

I know I have stated on several occasions - "and there is an anal version, but we will get to that later."

It's later.

So this week is all about anal play.  Not for the squeamish, it is what I can best call an acquired taste.  For as long as there have been sex toys, there have been anal sex toys.  It is believed that many of the dildo-esque items found in excavation sites up to 30,000 years ago could have potentially been used in anal play, and from some ancient cave paintings found, anal sex and anal play have been around since the dawn of man.

Leave it to the good old Greeks to use their art to show anal sex and anal sex play - items have been found as old as 500 B.C. that show their love for all things anal.  In the picture below, date unsure, it proof via the man in the center, that the Greeks loved anal toy play. 

 Of course, as Christianity spread a few centuries later, the minds closed, and anal sex, and anal play along with it, became a sin.
 
As the sexual revolution hit, a new wave of interest occurred in anal toys.

In 1995, a survey was conducted that showed only 12% of women ages 18-35 had indulged in anal sex/play.  The same survey was conducted in 2005 - and the percentage jumped to 40% in the same age range.  Though still not everyone's cup of tea - and the potential for discomfort doesn't help, anal sex/play is still sometimes considered a fetish.

As far as toys, the typical vaginal type are available for anal use - dildos and vibrators, but if made specifically for anal use are usually smaller.  Vaginal toys can be used anally, but there are some rules that need to be followed that we will discuss below.

There are a few specific toys made especially for the anal play - the butt plug and anal beads.

A butt plug is similar to a dildo, but it is tapered for ease of entry, and near the base, there is what is known as the "waist", a narrowing before the base widens like a set of hips on a female body.  The reasoning for this is simple - the vagina has a cervix that closes off the channel, whereas the anus does not have such an orifice.  A device used carelessly that is not flared could potentially get "stuck up in dere" and require medical attention to be removed, plus there is the chances for perforation of the rectum which can cause DEATH.  Just as Mr. Hand - who died of a perforated rectum after being mounted by a live HORSE.  He bled to death because he was too ashamed to seek medical attention until it was too late.  Yeah, I think he made the RIGHT CHOICE, because he probably would have died from the shame anyway.

Anal beads are typically a string of beads on either rope or a plastic length that have beads of varying size along the length.  Many start smaller, getting larger as they move to the ring at the end, whereas some stay the same size throughout.  The ring on the end is for the same reason as the "waist" on the plug, to ensure they do not get lost and for ease of removal.  As a person is orgasming, the beads should be removed slowly to help lengthen the release, the bead removal heightening pleasure.

Now, a quick anatomy lesson to explain a few key points.  A woman has a band of nerves inside the vagina - under her urethra (where you pee, silly) that is highly sensitive and called the "G-spot".  It DOES exist.  The "G-spot" has what is called "legs" thin strips of sensitive nerves that extend to the anus.  In men, they have the equivalent of a "G-spot" -- the Prostrate.  Located in the rectum, anal play can help heighten a male orgasm, if your man can get past the homosexual undertones, if that is a concern for him.

Either sex can benefit from anal play, but there are some rules I mentioned earlier that need to be followed.

1.  Anal play can be messy, and hard to clean up.  I think we allllll know what I am talking about, so I am not spelling it out here.  Even after a good bath, a anal toy can be a breeding ground for bacteria.  Using a condom to cover all anal toys is highly recommended -- it will keep the toy clean and can be easily disposed of afterwards.

2.  If a toy is used vaginally as well, the toy MUST be covered with a condom.  Before a toy used anally can be inserted vaginally, the condom should be switched out to prevent harmful bacteria from entering the vagina - and this goes for penises too!  If riding bareback, wash before going from butt to vag!!

3.  If you got the itch to try anal toys from watching porn - keep a couple of things in mind.  A.) These are pros - a 13" butt plug is going to hurt.  B.) Anal beads should not be ripped out quickly as in porn, especially if you are a newbie.  Anal tissues are tender and can be delicate to ripping and tearing.

4.  LUBRICATE!!!  As stated in the last rule, tissues there are tender.  Help ease the fun (and lessen the potential sting) by using lube.

5.  And this last rule is more of a suggestion.  Try any anal toy for the first time alone.  It can ease the awkwardness and allow you to know what feels good and what doesn't before your partner gets involved.

And before I can end this, I have to go into the world of the weird a little...some of the most interesting anal toys I found in my searching - the pony play butt plug with attached tail, the anal balloon with pump, the plug with gem stone base ("for extended wear and beauty during showing"), the "Doublefister" (OUCH),  and finally the "Anal Impaler"-- a get up that locks around the ankles and has a post between the feet.

And don't even get me started on the enema stuff I found.  I shit you not.